Sometimes I wonder whats wrong with me. I have been in love 3 times. The first was with my ex-husband. We were married 18 yrs before our divorce was final. He is an alcoholic who had an affair. He is still with her. She is also an alcoholic. She was engaged to be married when she started her affair with my ex. By all accounts, even my ex, I am the better person/choice. He still threw me away like garbage. All his promises turned out to be lies. I kept my vows, through sickness and health, through richer or poorer. But he ran as soon as he found someone who “loved” him by encouraging his drinking and taking him away from his wife and daughter. Despite some problems I loved him sooo much. I really thought we would be together til death do us part.

The second man I was in love with was a very good friend to both my ex and myself. I had known him for over 18yrs. He was there for me when it felt like I had absolutely no one. Unfortunately, he lives 1000 miles away. He told me that he was in love with me and had been for 18 yrs. He said all the right things. He knew me better than anyone has ever known me including my ex. So he knew the right things to say, when to say them. It took me two months before I knew that I loved him too. The main problem we had was that he wanted me to pack my girls and move them 1000 miles away. My oldest was a Freshman in high school.Their world was already being torn apart, I couldn’t move them across the country, away from their friends.

Now I believe that he lied, that he played me big time. When I refused to move he contacted some old girlfriends until he found one who moved her kid in with him. After wards he would call or text and tell me what a mistake he made. That he didn’t love her, she wasn’t the person he knew. That over 20yrs of hard drug use had changed her. Plus she had mental problems she failed to tell him about. That he still wanted me to move up there. Well they had a baby girl last year. Even while she was pregnant and after their daughter was born he kept trying to convince me that we would end up together. That he loved me, and had made some terrible mistakes. I told him that I hoped he would be happy with her, that they eventually would get married. He was told he could never have kids, so his daughter was a miracle. When he told me they were getting married this year, but only because they had to. She didn’t have insurance, and her medicine cost a lot of money. He couldn’t afford them and she couldn’t work He didn’t expect them to last long. We remained friends, then last September he told me that he couldn’t talk to me for awhile but to wait a couple of weeks and our friendship would be back. He had promised over and over that he would never abandon me. That if it came to being friends with me or my ex he would pick me. That he would never be friends with my ex’s mistress.

I haven’t heard from him since. He won’t return any texts or emails. For a while he cut off my girls as well, who he adores. I got the hint that he doesn’t want even friendship with me. I didn’t know what I did to make him hate me so much. Then I found out this weekend that even though he accepted my invitation to join Facebook(he didn’t accept my friendship). He is friends on Facebook with my ex and his girlfriend. He lied to me on so many levels. So I have to accept the fact that everything was a lie. I was vulnerable and he took advantage of it. It hurts very much. Because his love was probalby a lie, but mine was real. A part of me still loves him, wishing we could still be friends. I believed everything he said, I feel so stupid. I really don’t know if I can trust myself. I doubt the current relationship I’m in now, which is the third man I have loved, but that will have to be another post.

Tags: email, ex, Facebook, lies, taken advantage, text, vulnerable

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